Welcome to the Goldspring Comstock
Mine, and the adventures of the Long
Rangers.
Remember, everything that grows around here will either bite you, stab
you or sting you... Somebody really famous said that about Texas once,
but I think he was really talking about the Comstock.
Watch out for some of these rattlesnakes around here, they have a nasty
bite. But if you're quick you can dodge them. A lot of them change
colors about as often as I change my shorts so you gotta be quick.
Don't be afraid to blast them when they slither out from under whatever
rock they are hiding under. They have lots of hiding places and are
always looking for a sucker to chase out of their claim.
Most of the places serve watered down liquor. That's really not a bad
thing though. I couldn't imagine the damage around here if all these
characters were drinking the good stuff.
Couch's place is at the end of the street and is right between the town
outhouse and the stockyards so the smell and the flies keep the business down. He occasionally gets all liquored up on cheap vodka and starts
blasting at everything he sees. It's ok though because he doesn't see
very well so it's easy to keep out of his way provided we keep hiding
his scattergun from him. Everybody gets a turn at doing that. He does
get lucky every now and again though and there are a few people around
here that have picked buckshot out of their backside.
Be really careful at that outhouse next to Couches place. He feeds the rattler's hiding in there.
Most of the girls are ok but watch your wallet if you go upstairs with
one.
Extreme runs the Assay office and rents out houses all over town. Don't
worry about being on the wrong side of the tracks though, there ain't
one.
Laura used to work as one of the dancing girls. She ran into some high
roller a while back and took off for parts unknown. She turns up every
now and again in some of the cutest little black dresses and shoes that
shine like the sun on a Comstock nugget. If you catch it right, you can
tell what color her bloomers are from the reflection on her shoes. If
she does show up don't play poker with her, she keeps her garter stocked
with aces and a derringer.
Whatever you do don't let them talk you into a ride through the
Cholla's!!!
A guy named the Clown did that a while back and he has been pulling prickers out of his ass since he got out of prison. I guess he had a
boyfriend in prison that he brought back with him and has been hanging
around lately. Something about his buttcrack. I don't understand what
that is all about, but I guess whatever cocks your pistol...It is not
really something that I would brag about but they seem to enjoy that
kind of thing.
Oh well, at least they won't reproduce.
Darby has a palmistry shop here, he's always talking in some foreign
language about boiling some teakettle or something. Darby knows the lay
of the land though, so pay attention to him when he starts with his
mystic triangle thing.
Bugs was the local contingent of the Texas Rangers and is buried up on
boot hill. He was a good man. He rode into town every Saturday night and raised a lot of hell. Him and Red Durrantler and Mark Twain were always hanging together. MT is still here, but he seems to have lost some of his fire. We all
loved Bugs, and we all miss him.
Watch out for MT. He is the deadliest pistolero since Wild Bill himself. You get him mad at you and you are likely to be finding yourself in a bad way real quick. He once shot the balls off Red Durrantler's horse
from a half mile away with his trusty Sharps rifle.
Red won that horse from MT in a card game with a full house, aces and
eights. Red tells everybody that MT was just mad about losing the horse
but was too drunk to hit him. I guess we'll never know the truth. The
two of them are still best of friends and never pick a fight with either
one of them unless you want to fight both.
You can always tell when those two are on a bender, they sing this song
about some bloody rich thing at the top of their lungs.
Software is the hanging judge, everything and everyone eventually ends
up in front of his desk. He has this thing about sentencing people to
dig a new outhouse pit when they start blasting away for no good reason.
If you really get him mad, he makes you clean out the old pit before you dig a new one. So be careful and mind your manners around him. He's the only one in
town not afraid of Red and MT.
Tom and PHX run the general store, that's a good place to get supplies
but the gold dust scale tips a little light on the miners end so keep an eye on them. Tom has this thing in his eye that keeps him winking. I
just think he's shifty.
Some guy named Seadoc is building a boat out on the
border telling everybody that he is going to be ready when California slides off
into the Pacific.
Go figure.
Bob Alan is the undertaker, he has a real nice place out on the edge of
town and lots of pretty stuff in it that he got when he buried some of
those Missouri Redlegs that Bugs, Red and MT took care of. I wouldn't
really hang around there a lot though, he thinks everybody is his
customer. Just a matter of time I guess.
Then there's Cessna, I think he has been hanging around the opium den a
bit too much lately, he has this idea that man can fly. In all my born
days I have never heard of such a thing.
Me, they call me Thunder, I moved in back in 08. I don't tell all the stories around here, but I stop in and spin a few good yarns from time to time.
So, keep your six guns at the ready and it is always a good idea to have an
equalizer in your boot. Play your cards close to your vest and don't
count your chickens before they hatch and you'll do alright.
It's a raucous place for certain but the rewards could be huge if you
stick around awhile.
If nothing else, it is truly entertaining.
Thunder
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